My inner critic: the voice from within

My inner critic is a character in the story of imposter syndrome. She drives the ship some days. She is quiet sometimes too. I use she intentionally. My inner critic is a young girl. She sought to know that how she did things was right and doubted the contribution she was able to make at times. She would ask:

Why me?

You can’t do that.

How can I help?

You don’t have the ability to do that.

What can I offer?

Not much.

How can I be valuable in this world?

You aren’t as valuable as others.

Do these voices sound familiar? This is the voice of imposter syndrome! We all have things we struggle with, whether it be imposter syndrome or something else. Although imposter syndrome is not my biggest hurdle, I know a lot of individuals who experience and struggle with it. Since she is still a part of me today and wants to know how she can add value, help, and contribute in a meaningful way, I thought sharing some of the processes of how I work with her might benefit others.

Here is a practice you can consider to approach engaging with imposter syndrome:

First, recognize her voice. Whether she is a she, he, they or something else, begin to familiarize yourself with the voice. Imposter syndrome is not a regular struggle for me anymore, and I attribute this to the awareness I cultivated to recognize when she is speaking.

Second, find out what this part of you needs. If she needs to think she is valuable, then find ways to acknowledge and share that value. I have found simple ways to acknowledge value that can be very effective and rewire the brain such as looking at kind words from others, saying self-affirmations aloud and reviewing testimonials.

Third, understand the difference between story and fact. I understand how my inner critic contributes to imposter syndrome thoughts and feelings of doubt and the resulting stories that are created. In becoming aware of these stories, I can unravel the stories from the facts that arise from this experience, loosening the grip the stories have on me.

As a result of having greater awareness, understanding her needs and separating facts and stories, most of the time I can see my unique value, even amidst the noise imposter syndrome brings into my head.

Let’s look a little closer at imposter syndrome, doubt and the inner critic for a moment.

Imposter syndrome is this idea that others are better than us and that we are incapable of offering something because of this. The inner critic reinforces these thoughts.

Doubt is a feeling of uncertainty, often expressed through feeling afraid. The inner critic reinforces these feelings.

The inner critic reinforces these thoughts and feelings by confirming that if you are not the best, do not know exactly how to do something, and feel uncertain, it is probably best to accept that we can only offer very little value or can’t offer any value at all.

This completely discounts what makes us unique and special.

Does it really matter what someone else can do?

It matters to your inner critic.

What if someone does something better than you? 

Your inner critic will make sure you don’t forget there are people better than you.

I do not think there is a way to make this go away but rather work with the voices. I have learned to lean into understanding and listening to what she is most afraid of in order to address my critical mind.

To illustrate this practice, I will use myself as an example of how imposter syndrome, doubt and my inner critic are interconnected.  

Let’s say that my imposter syndrome thinks that I know less than other coaches, then my doubt kicks in full force afraid to offer coaching, hesitant to try engaging with clients for fear that there will be nothing of value in my services. Now the inner critic will chime in and say ‘yeah, you know less so why bother even sharing what you do know, it won’t matter anyway!’.

This is one complex cycle of thoughts and emotions!

By listening to the thoughts and feelings, I understand that I am afraid that I am a coach who knows less than other coaches and therefore cannot help my clients.

To follow the steps from above:

First, I am aware of her voices.

Second, I can see from this that I want to be a valuable coach.

Third, I take steps to tease out the stories and the facts.

Fact: I know less than some coaches in the world, there are coaches who will add more value to some clients than I can add

Story: it won’t matter if I share things, I can’t add value if I know less than other coaches, I can’t be of service to clients

By breaking this out I can honestly say that my little girl, that inner critic, does not have much to latch onto anymore. I can see that I am valuable and have something unique to offer that will resonate with some people and not with others.

I am okay with this.

Fourth, you can continue this process by making a list of all the things that make you different. Identify each one and be as specific as possible about how this shows up in your life.

For instance, an example of one I could say is: I ask powerful questions and it makes my style of coaching unique and impactful. I also have credentials (graduate degree and coaching certificate) that back up what I can offer and the credibility of my work. These two combined allow me to support my clients to cultivate greater integration through a deep and introspective coaching process.

Notice, I am not discounting that other coaches also may have combinations of these things. Others in life likely will share some of what makes you different. Owning your different and using it to propel you forward changes how you show up. And even if someone has the same exact combination of different and how, it does not diminish your style and approach because no one is YOU!

To begin to rewire some of the imposter syndrome thoughts, feelings of doubt and subsequential inner critic experiences we need to take conscious steps to stand back and look at ourselves in new ways.